Funny

I just noticed when I wrote my last post.

It was her birthday.

Tomorrow will be mines.

My 25th.

And there's no chance in the world it will be better than the last one.

Cause last year we still talked.

You were not near me. But we had our best moment. And we've never been closer than then.

I miss all that. I miss you...

Happy birthday me...

So long.

It's almost 6 in the morning.

I'm totally awake, on the couch of my first "my house".

I live by myself.

Not sponsorized by someone. Not in a program.

I'm living my life on my own.

I have a job, sure, part time. And it kinda sucks (could sure be worse) but it has good points.

I have friends. I think I do. I see people caring about me, sometimes I get surprised by how they behave towards me. Mostly I don't understand it.

I'm a weak person. And the bigger part of those who likes me, do so cause of my weakness.

But I wanna be stronger. My weakness isn't taking me anywhere.

Only, if I was to change, I'd lose them, they wouldn't recognize me anymore for what I am.

I don't like my life. I really care about just a few things. And about just a bunch of people.

I have no sense, no meaning. No reason.

But you.

You made my dreams come true.

You made my life meaningful.

You showed me the sense.

YOU are the one that I want.

I see you on cars.

I hear you in commercials and while I work, or at the mall.

You are everywhere, cause YOU are my life.

And even though I can act like I'm fine, even though I can try to keep going and pretend I'm over, I'm not.

I'll never be.

I'll never stop loving you.

I need you, cause you are the part of my life that is missing.

Not a whining, for once... just a confession.

Cause I simply have noone to talk. Cause YOU are the one that I trust more.

If I can't trust you, I can't trust noone.

And I have so much I wish I could tell you.

And I have so much I wish I could live with you.

And I have so much love I wish I could give you.

mi manchi Gaia.

Soooo

It's friday.
It's Friday AND your day off!
That's cool, it almost never happens to you to have Friday off!
AND it's her birthday!!!!
I mean, it's perfect, you could hang out, chat, have a nice time!
You could go make her a surprise and... Oh
Right.
She lives about 5000miles away. There's an ocean between you two. And, more than that, when you told her you'd have gladly gone to visit her, asked for days at work, bought the ticket... Well, she said she doesn't want you to.


I'll spend my day playing with the xbox. How will your day be?

I need caresses... I need hugs, and kisses. I need affection and care... I need to feel loved...

I so would need a hug right now... I so would need someone to really care...

I guess

I'll be found alone, in my apartment, slained by a dozen cats...
That's how ill end up...

Uh, uh...

Woah. Really on the edge of breaking down.
Tired, physically and mentally, nervous...
Broke glasses twice during evening shift (thing totally unnatural for me) and almost answered badly to a customer...
Need rest. Mental rest. How do you get that?

3years and a half ago

I was leaving for the Us, going on an adventure, everyone was proud of me, i was so excited and full of life.
3years and a half later, im under a tree near a river, at 5 am, listening to the water flowing, wondering where did i go wrong, and what is the meaning of me being here...


Karma is a bitch...

...

Im a really shitty person. I make people trust me, and i use their trust to my own gain.
Im fake. Im subtle. Stay away from me.


Noone knows me.
Only you did, and you dont care...

...

I dont know...

Everyone's life has a meaning. Someone never gets to know it, someone does.
I found mine. And I'm watching it slowly disappearif. Getting away from me...
I'm losing the meaning of my life. Feeling so empty...

Somethin stupid

Feeling like doing something stupid.
Something extremely stupid...

Don't speak

Wow...
Just that...
How did it go that bad?
I'm utterly amazed...
I have no words...

ugh

Just realized I went from "sleeping in the same room (bed actually...) with the woman I love" to "sleeping in the same room (ROOM! NOT BED) with an over fifty, overweight HIGLY SNORING guy"

Way to go :S

I'm fucking sick of it

Sick of being the one who always care.

Sick of being the ONLY one who cares.

The one who damns himself in order to solve other people problems, when they don't even attempt to solve them in the first place.

To be the one who always thinks about the others before than himself, and to feel bad, if I sometime act egoistically.

I have my OWN FUCKING SHITTY LIFE.

I HAVE MY DAMN OWN PROBLEMS.

And they are damn more than enough for me not to have to think about yours. GROW PEOPLE.

YOU ALL.

You won't always have someone looking after you.

Fuck you all, all of you who doesn't care about anything and anyone.

And to myself for caring too much about everything and everyone.