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I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You, I Love You.

omg

omg wow....really...

Again...

So here I am back.
Did you miss me?
Had a very bad period, not out of it yet actually. I really miss her. I really feel like I care about nothing... We started talking again, after a lot of time. We had a few chats a while ago, then for her birthday, as a "present" I mailed her my thoughts, the one I wrote down, or noted on my cellphone, during the past year.
Then we got to talk again, seriously this time. She liked that. She said things that gives me hope. and at the same time, nothing to be sure of.
She said next time I should say what I feel before that the person they are aimed to, leaves the country. She said that they reached her heart, and she loves the way I write. She said she would like to see me, and she miss me.
So many things she said.
So many she said before all this, and that meant nothing in the end. What should I expect this time?
She was sorry for the way she tried to close all this. and for how she reacted, and things she wrote me. And I can't be angry at her. But does this means something changed?

I really am scared by how happy she is to talk with me, how she act like if she was jealous, or sad when I have to leave.
Let not this be all dust, again...
Let not this be just me dreaming...
Please...

2 years.

Just look at me, Im living proof, that time heals nothing!
Just look at me, Im living proof, that time heals nothing!

I've got these feelings, alive in my head
Don't listen to reason, they only see red
And I'm coming to get you, coming to get you
On the day I find you the sun will shine,
the birds will sing, everything will be right
I'm coming to get you, And I'm coming to get you




I miss you so much. I love you so much...

How can that be

How, can just a picture hurt me so much?
I feel so sad... I miss you, but I can't reach you. I can't do that to myself again.
She posted a new profile pic on facebook. And even if everyone is "like"ing it, or saying "you look shining" I can see sadness in her "happy eyes"... and it tears me inside. I didn't wanted to see her... not that way. I wanna convince myself at least she's happy... if I'm not, maybe she is. Damn... And now all I'd do would be to contact her, ask what's wrong, try to be at her side. But I can't...
CAZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

From u, coming kicks... (yes, it has a hidden meaning.)

Damn it... after months without hearing I come back from the bathroom and there she is, in the small little Google chat... "Care to talk?"

Did we? I mean, was that really talking? Or we just blablablaed about stuff? Did something change? Yeah right, thank you for being so sweet, were your facebook status aimed at me... and then what? Just wanted to know that? Could have kept your Mac shut for today then...
Oh I know, I wasn't really talking myself, but it wasn't me asking it.
Oh right "You know I'm not home anymore, don't you?"
No thanks, didn't know that! Didn't knew a damn thing about you since then. What you want me to? Ask where you are, what you are doing? WHY? Like, nothing happened? WHY?
I want to be like you guys, not expecting anything, not asking questions...
FUCK THAT SHIT! I do expect things, and get fucking hurt when they fail!
I don't ask because I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO BE HURT BY THE ANSWER!
Is that fucking difficult to get? Where are you, back there??? Good for you, that means I won't see you for maybe years GRRRRREEEEEEAT!!!
Well that's a nice thing to know, thanks a lot for popping out telling me!
You are somewhere else? Same as above.

I'd really like to know what the hell was that about.
But I'm not expecting to discover it.

Still dark

Back!

So V day is gone, not that I really cared about it. Ordinary day, as it has been for the last...22 years? (ok last year has not, only exception).
I have some good ideas for a new photoshoot, I'll need to get some stuff from the old Bay! Free shipping rocks!

So many things I'd like to do, but even having all this time doesn't make me do them! What's wrong with me?
I really don't know... I feel sometimes like I don't care about anything at all, then I got 1000 things in mind, but still I end up spending all my time on facebook or wandering around the web. And the worst thing is that I don't even enjoy it! I'm bored but I just hang there, like a fucking dork... Sheesh... I'm really a whiner, nothing ever satisfy me doesn't it?

Hey! Check the drawings in the last blog I added to my profile! Awesome stuff, whoever you are, if you did them, dude you are amazing!

I miss my sunshine. Love you.

So far, from my lair, it's all.
Thanks for the attention
TanCrow