...ing

Writing, drawing, singing, working, thinking (too much), sleeping (never enough), dying (a little bit, inside, everyday)
Crying. All i wanna do.

Read and Shoot

Reeeeading...

Little introduction...

In January I joined a facebook group. It was called "Reading reading reading, first national experiment"

It has been thought by a 21 yo guy, who asked everyone who wanted to, to go around, on the 26th of march carrying a book he liked, any book, and gifting it to a total stranger, a someone they never talked to before.

It had more than one reason, for this "dare" and I liked them all, and I liked the idea on itself. So I accepted and for 2 months I went on, starting to feel anxious cause I didn't know what book to give, how to choose my target, if to write something to let my stranger know what was it about...

Still the time has passed and my 26 of march has arrived... and this is in short how it went:

I wake up early, excited about this "different" day.

I pick up everything to go to work, make sure I have my book with me and I leave.

I start examinating people everywhere, the guy with the mean expression, the young girl talking at the phone, the man reading a newspaper, trying to find my stranger.

This goes on on the train, on the subway and on the bus, all the way to my workplace, but I can't seem to find anyone deserving my small present.

And I keep checking the facebook page every once in a while, reading comments from hundreds of people, talking about their experience, the faces of their strangers, the anxiety...

Then closing time arrives, and I leave starting back my research, striving to find "him-her". Still on my way back noone has the face I'm looking for, and I begin to think I will have to surrender and just give in, gifting my book to the "first" one who walks by...

So, after the whole day spent looking for the "right one", on the train, it seems to me that a young woman is wiping her face from tears... I can be wrong, but I think "It's her".

So I sit down not far from her, and fate wants she leaves the train at my same stop.

Her father welcomes her and greet her, she's going to graduate next week.

I reach for her, touch her shoulder... "Hey, excuse me, do we know each other?"

She answer, seeming pretty sure about that:"No!"

"So you are a total stranger to me, right?"

"Absolutely!" she says, even more convinced than before.

"Perfect! In this case I'm gifting you this" - "What's that???" (O___o) - "A book!!! (=D), and with that I turned and left.

I heard her saying thanks a few times, and giggles amused by what had happened.

And while walking away, me legs were shaking for the emotion :D

AWESOME!

SHOOOOOOOOOT!

Finally we did it!

Woke up "early" and started gathering everything I needed, the kimono, my straw hat, chopsticks, laptop, mirror.

Filippo joins me at 11 in the morning, and helps me finding the last stuff we could need, then off we go.

We park the car and walk our way to the river, of course taking the wrong direction. But we found a way to enjoy that too, since we discovered we were to LVL 1 commoners in a MMORPG, leaving the first "safe" town.

Me wearing a black leather jacket being the Tank (lol of course) bringing most of the stuff, since I had a higher constituin. Him being the shoother, was the mage, low hp and constitution and a really light equip xD. We kept talking that way all time, pointing at hp and mana potion while seeing empy bottle on the ground, supposing they belonged to random noobs trying to fight mobs bigger than themselves, avoiding to cross the bridge bringing to the highway cause that was an aggro area with boss monsters and staying far from the water cause none of us had the "swimming" skill yet.

Once we found a good spot, close to the orcish altar (a strange construction, rusted and worn out) I started dressing up, tied the katana to my kimono belt and wore the straw hat while Filippo built up all his photographic stuff. We shooted for a good 2 hours, with some resting stops, location changes, and funny looks from people walking by (gladly we found a "no kill" zone, (no, i'm not kidding, we REALLY found a "No kill" sign under which we promptly stopped) cause they were clearly pvp groups).

At the end of the session we picked up our stuff and ordered some pizza by phone, went home and started checking the pics while eating. Then last session in a different location, near a soccer field (that brought so many more funny looks xD) to close our first shooting with a very nice pic (probably the one I like most)...

In the end very nice and funny experience, that I hope I'll get to repeat soon, maybe with better gear and costumes :D

News

There actually are some now. I'm officially back into unemployed lines since saturday. Still working for now, but contract is over. I don't know if taking some "rest" period or go back looking, right now so as soon as the lay me, I have a soft landing...
Whatever. Choir is great, doing some Monteverdi stuff and having fun. Same as above with the band even if we re really going slowly. Just added Freak on a leash to our tracklist.

I really should deal with my "help" issue, looks like I can't ask for help, especially when I really need it. The more a thing is important, the more I hate asking others to help me with it.
So starting with stupid things, like quests on DOMO, going to asking my parents for money, til my real problem. The fact I'm so depressed that while I drive I sometimes think about speeding down a hill or against a wall...
The fact I feel my life is totally empty and I should at least talk about it with someone. But everyone already has it's problem, why should I dump mine on them too? It would be unfair and if on some level I can deal with the problem myself (I quest alone, or I just avoid to spend money) on the upper one, there's noone who can help. So why should I bother others?
So my final solution is to come here and whine, but it doesn't work out well...

So empty...

So far, from my lair, it's all.
Thanks for the attention
TanCrow

AAARGH

Goddamnit... Yesterday my train was 20' late.
This morning I arrived at my destination with 180' of delay and the train I caught was already 30'late. This evening the train is 20'late and in the section I'm in, there's no light, no AC so its freezing cold.
Tomorrow they're gonna be' on strike for the third time in less than 2 months.
This morning an old lady answered to someone Who said "I've never seen something like this"... What she said? "I did, in war time"


IN FUCKING WAR TIME DAMN!!!!!
it's ridicolous!
i pay 75 freaking euro every damn month!

Unbelievable...

So far, from my lair, it's all.
Thanks for the attention
TanCrow

How can that be

How, can just a picture hurt me so much?
I feel so sad... I miss you, but I can't reach you. I can't do that to myself again.
She posted a new profile pic on facebook. And even if everyone is "like"ing it, or saying "you look shining" I can see sadness in her "happy eyes"... and it tears me inside. I didn't wanted to see her... not that way. I wanna convince myself at least she's happy... if I'm not, maybe she is. Damn... And now all I'd do would be to contact her, ask what's wrong, try to be at her side. But I can't...
CAZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO