How to ruin a blog

Back on train, back with my thoughts. Back to the same question bugging me since a while. Why do I have to keep going? I wake up, I go to work, I come back home, I go to sleep. Sometime I get to change the routine, spending some time with my friends, and then back again. Still this has no meaning at all to me. Not that being unemployed was better, of course. At least now I'm a bit useful to society instead of being a lazy nerdish slug, and I can live with my parents without that guilty atmosphere permeating the air a few weeks ago. Still I keep on asking it myself. My social life is almost unexistant. I don't have a girlfriend, and never had (not counting a 2 months story that was done even before starting).
I'm in love since march 2008 with a woman that told me both that I would be the perfect one and that basically she doesn't want me to love her (if those two things could actually mean something together but hey, it's not me saying it!).
She was the only thing I cared about. And no, I'm not being the poor broken hearted guy, I'm just saying that I never liked life before, when she was there I was finally happy to see a day go, because I would have gotten to see her the one after. Because she made my life interesting when she entered it. And when she left it it went back as it was before, or worse, with the sensation that the only good thing was gone, and did not wan to ever come back. So what now. I'm not saying I want to suicide, that period is long gone. I simply don't care about my life, should someone say "You are going to die in a moment" my answer would be something like a plain "Ok".


I know, I'm being a whiner, but this was one of the reason I wanted this blog for. I do have friends, I'm thankful for that. Pretty much all my close relatives are alive, and I'm thankful for that too. But i've got noone I feel like saying this kind of thing, and they were getting heavy on my shoulders. Hopefully, next blog-posts have a lighter tone. At least the worse subject is alredy gone, now I can talk about something more interesting^^